


And Despite Everything I'm Still Human (But I Think I'm Dying Here)

by Doppeltrolle



Category: Assassin's Creed, Assassins Creed 4: Black Flag, Black Flag - Fandom, Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Anne Bonny - Freeform, Anne Feels, Anne Rackham, Drabble, F/M, Human, Hurt/Comfort, Jack Feels, Jack Rackham, Pirates, Rackhanne, Sailing, Songfic, daughter - Freeform, sort of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2644262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doppeltrolle/pseuds/Doppeltrolle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Anne Bonny - centric] [Songfic] [Drabble]</p>
<p>Anne's musings aboard the Ranger one night.</p>
<p>Woken up like an animal<br/>Teeth ready for sinking<br/>My mind's lost in bleak visions<br/>I've tried to escape but keep sinking</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Despite Everything I'm Still Human (But I Think I'm Dying Here)

_"Woken up like an animal/Teeth ready for sinking/My mind's lost in bleak visions/I've tried to escape but keep sinking"_

Outside, she could hear the rise and fall of the waves as they crested against the ship. It rocked gently in turn, before it could return to it's resting state another would come, pushing them gently against the dock. It was never enough to wake her.  
  
His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm at her side. She could feel it even though he faced away, with her hand resting against his shoulder she knew he was still breathing. Jack always slept soundly, but she knew that if anyone came near the door his ringed fingers would curl around the dagger he kept beneath his pillow. It wasn't the threat of kidnapping, or robbery or murder. The thought kept her secure as she slipped naked beneath the sheets. It was never enough to wake her.

It wasn't the citizens of Nassau, or Kingston, or anywhere else they had docked their ship at the time that she could hear hollering from the bay. She and Jack always chose to sleep on the ship when they dropped anchor at town, spending their days ambling the dirt roads amidst children and chickens and returning to the comfort of their bed when one of them was unable to stand upright any longer and their coin-purses hung dangerously from their hips. It wasn't the idea of poverty. It was never enough to wake her.

_"Limbs lost to a dead weight stake/Skull cage like a prison/And he's lost faith he'll ever see again/So may he once thought of me then"_

When she awoke in the middle of the night, she felt paralyzed. She could instinctively flex her limbs, her fingers and toes. She could unwind herself from Jack's lazy, sprawled limbs and still feel numb. Her mind was humming with the thoughts of her nightmares. The dreams that came swimming to the surface when she fell asleep always made her feel trapped even when she awoke. She wanted to crawl out of her skin, and yet the most she could do was crawl out from under him, sheets pooling around her waist, and settle with her back against the wall. Jack moved in his sleep next to her, stirring slightly and his fingers reflexively curling into the fabric below them. As she watched him settle back down into sleep she dared to move them, her gaze taking in the moonlight coming through the windowpanes with what clear glass there was still to see out of. Her mind still raced with her thoughts; The tendrils of sleep tugging at her lashes although she could feel her heart racing.

There was solidarity to her dreams. No one was there but her. She was alone in a one room shack in Nassau. She remembered the time racing by; days and days of sitting at the table, looking out the window to the beach for a--something. A face, a voice or something that would rouse her from her complacent lifestyle and bid her to come along. But nothing came. She wasted away in that chair, in the bed when her lids could no longer hold themselves open. She was completely alone. Amongst a sea and city bustling with people and bandits alike, she was isolated.

_"Underneath the skin there's a human/Buried deep within there's a human/And despite everything I'm still human/But I think I'm dying here"_

Jack knew of her terrors. He had tried to console her in the past, telling her it was foolish to still be worried. Spouting, "You're already out here, on the sea! You're as free as can be and you still worry?" He asked, and she could hear the tone of his voice, like he was saddened that she couldn't bring herself to believe him. that his words fell on deaf ears.

She heard him, though. She tried every morning to rouse herself and remember the words he told her the night before. When they'd lie together and his arms encased her entire body. When he'd whisper into her hair, nose pressed into that soft spot right behind her ear. He'd tell her then, that he'd never leave her. That he'd always be in step beside her. As lovers, as companions and fellow crew-mates. She wanted to believe it more than anything. She knew, through past experience that people leave. Most all of them do. In one way or another. It's only realistic, to expect that everyone in your life will eventually leave you. She couldn't expect the man who promised her the moon once would actually be able to deliver.

She was only human, after all.

She knew it hurt him to know she couldn't believe him. Couldn't, not wouldn't. And it was killing him. It was killing her too, because she didn't want to hurt him. Not because of how she hurt. It was never his fault. She could hear herself somewhere deep down, a younger, more naive version of herself screaming out. Telling her that she was going to ruin the one good thing she could trust in her life. Instead, she stilled her. Suffocated her. If she listened so impulsively, she'd wind up ruined again. She already considered herself lucky someone would still want her after everything that's happened to her, there was no way it would happen a second time.

_"Woken up like an animal/I'm all ready for healing/My mind's lost with nightmares streaming/Woken up (kicking screaming)"_

Sometimes when she woke up she would be overcome with the need to bury herself deeper against him. That all of her nightmares would ebb like the tide in the face of someone she could completely give herself over to.

But she never does.

On a few occasions Jack was the one to wake her. The dreams had so tightly ensnared her consciousness that she was left writhing on the bed. Tossing and turning she would awaken him. He told her before it was a task all on it's own, when he tried to roll her over she fought him like a caged beast until she opened her eyes. Her face was covered in a thin sheen of sweat that night and despite his efforts to pull her into his arms she shook like a leaf. She didn't feel comfort or security, but trapped. She remembered not sleeping anymore that night, even after Jack's breathing eased into sleep and his embraced loosened. She had slipped out of the bed and down to the beach until sunrise.

_"Take me out of this place I'm in/Break me out of this shell-like case I'm in"_

Her gaze traveled back to Jack. He was facing her now, his eyes dark slits against the moonlight, glittering as he looked over her face. He was still half-asleep, she could tell, but he could still read her like an open book. She never had time to close off her face before he could fully analyze her. He was always too clever for his own good: it was a reason she both loved and hated him. That clever tongue always seemed to crack through her walls of anger and insecurities. Anne wondered if it would eventually crack the shell that encased her heart. Could he eventually open her up to being that trusting, loving girl again? A part of her wanted him to be. The young woman inside of her seemed to rattle her bars, desperate to come out and love him in return.

Part of her waited for the other shoe to drop; Waiting to see if he would grow weary of her distrust. Would he eventually leave, driven away by her reluctance and barricades? Would the torrential downpour of charming words and enchanting gazes eventually fade in the midst of the hurricane that held her isolated?

_"I think that I'm still human"_

"Darling, you alright?" The words were heavy and slurred with sleep as Jack moved to sit up. She could feel herself tense, bracing for his wiry arms to slip around her shoulders. She didn't know if he could sense it, or if it was never his intentions to actually sit up but he shifted, crawling so his body rested against her legs. One hand came up lazily, tracing idly against her knee as his cheek, warm from resting against the pillow, lowered to her thigh. Even in the darkness, she could still feel him watching her.  
  
"Couldn't sleep, 's all." She replied quietly, making up her mind to look back down at him. Instinctively, she brought her own hand up to his hair and brushed her fingertips through it. The coarseness gave her something to focus on, if only briefly. His breath played along the inside of her wrist, the soft curls of air tickling her skin. She could feel her lips part, the foreign feeling of nostalgia and comfort turning them into a sort of smile even though she knew Jack couldn't see it.  
  
"Do you want me to hold you this time or leave you be?" His voice came after a moment, and the smile faded as quickly as it had come. She pondered this question, although Jack probably never expected any type of answer from her. Her grip in his hair tightened, tugging him to sit up. He complied easily, shifting to sit upright against the wall as she was. She then slid her legs across one of his own and shifted closer until their bodies touched, bringing her head down to rest on his bare shoulder. It was warm too, flushed still with sleep only minutes ago.

The feeling of safety slid over her now, the nerves ebbing away with the tide as it broke against the port side once more. Maybe her prison walls were crumbling down around her faster than she thought they were, and with Jack's dry lips pressing gently to her temple she could only understand the feeling of warmth spreading through her tingling limbs as a kind of compassion and love she hadn't realized was simmering.

"I love you." Jack whispered into the darkness, pulling the blankets up around them as he settled back and grasped her more securely.

"I know." She replied. It's all she could ever say in return. She wasn't sure if she could ever admit it aloud that she could quite possibly love him back.

_"And despite everything I'm still human/But I think I'm dying here "_

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh, Okay. So, I've had some pretty severe feelings for Rackhanne for the past like, year or so (since I played AC 4:Black Flag) and when I discovered 'Black Sails' despite its terribleness I grew much more fond of Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny and how they were portrayed in the series in comparison to Ubisoft's version. 
> 
> I made my wife read it (it was initially just a drabble for her thirst) and I made her cry. I think she wanted this posted, so here you are! Now on top of this I have even more feelings and this pairing is severely lacking in fiction to read.
> 
> When I came across this song on my playlist ("Human" - Daughter) I knew it pretty much would write itself. If it adds to the feels, feel free to give it a listen: You won't be disappointed. In fact, the group pretty much thrives on the pirate folk-y music.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy and as always feel free to leave any love/critique/comments/kudos.


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